My Pinterest, My Reality

I just got really excited that my blog title sounds kind of like a 2012 episode of “Sex and the City.”

Breathing must resume. I just had a moment of creative pride.

Okay, enough with Blog Yoga. Time to launch into it!

I think my problem with my former attempts at blogging was that I was still trying to act like a Pinterest Girl. And this was before Pinterest even existed. Sheesh, I was setting trends BEFORE THEY EVEN EXISTED. Give me some credit.

A “Pinterest Girl” is the kind who pretends her Pinterest boards are an accurate depiction of her life, and they existed before Pinterest and will exist after Pinterest. She’s the girl who makes it appear she always has fresh mint leaves on hand to make an impromptu Mint Julep, has time to do geographic designs on her nails at would confuse Pythagorus, and has an apartment that costs $3.5 million to buy and furnish in custom monogrammed ikat fabrics. Her job is a blogger. She is literally the only professional blogger in the world with an entirely designer wardrobe and multimillion dollar apartment. Oh, but despite being a millionaireness, she does not have a car. This girl rides a vintage bike everywhere.

If you want to see what kind of unattainable perfection I strive for, here is a link to my Pinterest. I would like to notify everyone reading this (thanks for caring) that despite all the quotes I have pinned, any inspiration and motivation to do anything in my life is not a result of those sayings…it is a result of no new episode of “Teen Mom” being on. But sometimes I like to look at an Instagram-ed picture of myself and pretend that I will use those quotes to improve my life.

A few favorites from my own “Pinspiration <3” board (ya…I put a heart…):

Why did I pin this? What the hell was going on that day? Was I looking at myself in the mirror, watching myself cry? WTF????

Must’ve needed a nap when I pinned this profound statement.

Well, yeah, but sometimes I need to cover up an underground pimple. Sorry.

The only quote I’ve pinned that is 100% applicable and relatable to my life is from the Dunkin’ Donuts Pinterest account, which, by the way, is run by a complete badass. I have no idea who is doing their social media, but this person has managed to turn Boston Cremes and iced coffees into an absolute religion. You can tell they know their job (making coffee and donuts important enough to warrant a Pinterest, Facebook, and Twitter) is a complete joke, and their response was to treat those donuts and coffee like proclamations from the Dalai Lama. I know this person is in a perpetual state of convulsing laughter over their own career, having access to all those Dunkin’ fonts and running around with an iPhone taking pics of the coffee roasting plant. Just look at this, from the “Words of WisDDom” (not kidding) board:

Short, simple, to the point. That is a great pin.

The reality is that my life is mostly an out of control series of embarrassments and outrageous comments punctuated by me listening to French music, at which point I actually start to think I may live a perfect life after all. Then my computer will run out of battery, my music will ARRETE!!! and I will be faced with the truth: I am in sweaty gym clothes I bought at the Lulu Lemon warehouse sale and can’t afford HBO on my TV.

Call me Forrest Gump, but that is about all I have to say on this topic.

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