The Only Three Things I Like Doing Alone

dominos-thin-21Inspired by this Buzzfeed post on extroverts, I decided to think of things I actually like doing by myself. As a full-blown people-person (I can barely walk more than ten feet without having to start a text conversation with someone) the list is alarmingly short and bizarre. Here it is; other extroverts, can you relate?

1. Shop – I hate social shopping. For me, shopping is the ultimate zen activity. I enter a state (and I’m not trying to be funny, this is fully serious) comparable to a runner’s high or how an athlete feels “in the zone.” By the way, I have never and have no desire to experience either of the aforementioned.

When I enter a Forever 21 or H&M my brain quiets. I am at peace as I drink in the smell of inexpensive trends. It is the only time I can think of that I do not care to check my cell phone. In fact, I might as well be on an island. Clothes Island. No phone service, no need to eat, no need for rehydration. I could spend eight hours in a Forever 21, EASILY.

The best way to ruin my experience is to bring a friend along. Now I am worrying–is she bored? Does she want to move onto the next store? Is she judging these silk tribal pants I’m about to buy?

2. Eat Domino’s Pizza – Eating should be a social experience, unless it’s a Domino’s pizza. I don’t do it often, but when I order a thin crust Domino’s pizza with pepperoni, mushrooms and black olives, I want that whole thing to myself. I want to eat it in bed while I watch a Netflix documentary about the oldest, fattest prostitutes in Amsterdam. I want to bring an entire roll of paper towels with me as “napkins” and I want to drink a glass of water with no ice cubes. I do not want you taking my corner pieces. I do not want to be worried about evenly splitting everything. And I certainly don’t want to sit down at a table or use plates. Leave me and my pizza alone.

3. Watch YouTube videos in the following categories: dermatological procedures/surgeries; in-depth looks at bizarre subcultures/medical mysteries – Hey, they’re on there for a reason, and it’s because people like me love this stuff. If I could create a perfect YouTube video it would involve a dermatologist removing a giant cyst from the back of a member of the FLDS (the crazy, secret polygamist cult) while their conjoined twin children sit and watch while demonstrating how, even though they each control one side of the body, they can do everything normally, including clapping and driving a car. AMAZING.

Pretty  much everything else I would prefer to do with someone else.


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